It’s By no means Too Late to Fall in Love


“It’s By no means Too Late” is a collection that tells the tales of people that determine to pursue their goals on their very own phrases.


In 2015, 9 months after her husband died, Phyllis Raphael, now 86, bumped into Stan Leff, now 89, whereas exiting Citarella, a grocery retailer on Manhattan’s Higher West Aspect.

“Stan remembered me from a celebration on Fireplace Island in 1974. He stated I used to be on a deck serving hors d’oeuvres. However I didn’t bear in mind him,” stated Ms. Raphael, a Brooklyn-born author. “We’d identified one another peripherally and seen one another at events however by no means spoke to one another till that day.”

By then every had been married twice. Each have been widowed. Mr. Leff’s second spouse had died a decade earlier, Ms. Raphael’s second husband of 24 years had died of amyloidosis, a uncommon illness.

“We began speaking. A number of nights later he known as and requested me out,” she stated. “He had gotten my quantity from a mutual good friend of ours who thought our getting collectively was a good suggestion and inspired him to name.”

That decision was a get-together. Then got here a date. A second and third adopted. So did a relationship. Then a love affair.

Six years later the couple are nonetheless deeply dedicated to one another. Ms. Raphael stated they spend some weeknights and weekends collectively; Mr. Leff sleeps over at her condo in a stately prewar constructing on the Higher West Aspect. A retired bookseller, he lives 4 blocks away. In the mean time, they haven’t any plans to marry. (The next interview with Ms. Raphael has been edited and condensed.)

What was life like after your husband handed away?

I used to be going to a help group at New York Hospital that was stuffed with grief, which suited me on the time. I might go to dinner events, there have been all the time 5 single girls and two males. I didn’t suppose I’d ever go on Match.com. I used to be going to throw myself on the mercy of my three youngsters and my associates. Stan modified all the pieces.

How did the connection begin?

We noticed Amy Schumer’s film “Trainwreck” for our first get-together. I discovered him very enticing. I favored sitting subsequent to him within the film. We went to the Lime Leaf for dinner, which is now not in enterprise. I provided to pay my share; he provided to pay the invoice. That established one thing. We began seeing one another shortly after that.

We went to performs, motion pictures, dinners, and took walks in Riverside Park. I couldn’t perceive what we have been doing. That November we have been watching a film at my house and I assumed the time has come. I put my head on his shoulder. That opened the door. He stated to me: ‘Winter is coming. It’s getting chilly. I’m not going to need to go house at evening.’ I understood what that meant. We turned lovers that evening.

Did you ever suppose you’d be in one other relationship?

I by no means dreamed there could be another person. I knew I might be lonely, however I wasn’t in search of a relationship. Once I started seeing Stan, I didn’t suppose it could evolve to greater than widowed neighborhood associates. As soon as it was taking place, I used to be so shocked. I assumed that a part of my life was over, but it surely wasn’t. At my age you suppose, ‘OK, if that is what life goes at hand me I’m going to take it.’ So I began seeing him critically.

A number of years in the past I submitted a bit to Tiny Love Tales about our relationship. I initially wrote it as an train, which is what I do once I’m making an attempt to jot down and might’t get began. I wished to jot down one thing, and Stan was essential in my life. He nonetheless is.

How is that this relationship completely different than what you had together with your second husband?

This can be a completely different form of love. I beloved my husband. We had an excellent marriage. I grew to know him higher as time handed, however I don’t imagine we have been soul mates. Typically Stan comes nearer. There’s intercourse, affection and eager for each other. We care deeply about one another. My youngsters love him and which means loads. He’s dedicated to his youngsters. I couldn’t love somebody who wasn’t. This relationship works for each of us. I’m loopy about him. Not the way in which I was with my husband, however in another way. When he walks within the door I’m actually comfortable to see him. It’s not euphoric. You possibly can catch your breath, however we’d endure with out one another.

What makes this relationship work?

We’re two individuals who have a extremely good time collectively. We grew up in the identical period. We chuckle on the similar jokes. We each love present tunes. We bear in mind the identical issues. He’s my companion, however a lot extra. Stan’s on the prime of my emergency listing. I belief him. He makes me really feel protected. He’s sort, dependable. We’re good bodily. I’ve not found out what love truly is, however this comes fairly shut.

What are your future plans?

Stan suits this time in my life. He calls me his girlfriend. I name him my boyfriend. We’re greater than associates; we’re greater than lovers. I don’t need to get married. I don’t need to mess with what we have now. What we have now is actually good.

What recommendations are you able to provide individuals who really feel caught?

Do one thing new that you simply usually wouldn’t do, or one thing you hadn’t deliberate on doing, or one thing you’re captivated with. Take an appearing class or a cooking class, or go to a museum. This stuff allow you to connect with different individuals you won’t have met ordinarily. It will probably make your life extra full of life. Decide up the cellphone. Ship an e mail. Consider one thing you need to do after which ask somebody in the event that they need to do it with you. Don’t be afraid to let issues occur.

Any phrases of knowledge to share?

To not anticipate. I didn’t anticipate this to occur, or to be with somebody for six years. I assumed he will need to have different girls in his life, however he didn’t. Once I was married I had expectations. I’ve none of that right here. You by no means know what’s across the nook. That pondering has made me happier.

Life is a present; it expires. Whenever you get to my age you start wanting again in your life. I really feel there are alternatives I’ve missed, however I’ve explored loads. All of us have an expiration date. It’s higher to make use of the reward when you’ve bought it.

We’re in search of individuals who determine that it’s by no means too late to modify gears, change their life and pursue goals. Ought to we speak to you or somebody you recognize? Share your story right here.

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