A Knights’ fail


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Picture: Getty Photographs

BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Have a look at these dumb fuckers! They’re $10 million over the wage cap and nonetheless couldn’t end within the high three of a division stuffed with fuckwits and bindle-carriers! They couldn’t end forward of the Kings! The Kings who’re led by Anze Kopitar and Drew Doughty, whose tires are so bald they make sparks on the ice! They weren’t even near the Kings! The Knights are miles behind the Edmonton Oilers, who’ve been the most important jokes in hockey for like 5 years! $92 million simply doesn’t go so far as it used to.

Oh, we’ve heard all about it, Knights. The accidents, the accidents, the accidents. The horror, the horror. Maybe the accidents wouldn’t have mattered a lot if the Knights’ coverage towards roster-building was credit score fraud. All of the depth is some other place, which implies a pair boo-boos and instantly you’ve obtained nothing in your hand however your personal dick! Your fifth-leading scorer is Evgenii Dadonov, a participant you tried to toss overboard for cap area on the commerce deadline however couldn’t since you couldn’t learn. How really American.

However what workforce may overcome an damage to their goalie, you say, Knights followers? Yep, you’re positively the primary workforce in historical past to seek out out that trusting Robin Lehner is a idiot’s errand. Who may have informed you? Oh, that’s proper, fucking everybody! Think about him blowing out his shoulder whereas attempting to play goalie with a megaphone in his hand to let you know what he thinks about the whole lot. You most likely ought to begin making ready for Lehner’s tell-all interview this summer time. You understand it’s coming. Which shall be made all of the extra scrumptious that you may have simply stored your promise to Marc-Andre Fleury, universally agreed to be the nicest man in hockey, whom you already signed to a contract. As an alternative, you stated the ends justified the means, and also you needed to be ruthless to win a Cup. There was no room for sentiment. Perhaps you do, possibly there isn’t, however you received’t discover out, will you?

This group turned probably the most up-its-own-ass within the NHL because of catching lightning in a bottle as soon as when all the opposite GMs couldn’t work out how an growth draft labored. All of the sudden, chasing each big-ticket merchandise turned confused with progressive pondering. Hey, right here’s one for you: That is nonetheless the identical workforce that misplaced to the goddamn Canadiens final 12 months. The Canadiens are actually the worst workforce in hockey.

Don’t fear, Knights, it’ll certainly get simpler subsequent season or the one after that when all of your costly trinkets become old and older and you’ve got much less and fewer room for assist items. All of your season-ticket base is from some other place. As quickly as you stumble out of the gates subsequent season, which you’ll when Max Pacioretty and Mark Stone get harm attempting to park within the gamers’ lot and their vehicles simply cross inside three toes of one another, everybody will transfer on to one thing else. As cool as your pregame ceremonies are, they’ll have much less impact in entrance of 10,000 opposing followers. After which Lehner will complain in regards to the lack of assist.

Your gold helmets look like Notre Dame runoff, which is fine as that’s another outfit that hasn’t and won’t win jackshit. Your owner constantly refers to the army like Buster Bluth. Alex Pietrangelo is only getting slower. Jonathan Marchessault will call this all a fraud and declare the Knights winners anyway. Keep waiting for William Karlsson to shoot 25 percent for a season again. I’m sure it’ll work out eventually.

You’ll be ok though. There’ll be plenty of sympathy pieces over the next few weeks from hockey writers who are simply upset they can’t drink for free in Vegas in the coming playoffs. They’ll get even more pissy when the Predators eat it in the first round to either the Flames or Avs and deprive hockey writers of their other favorite destination to attend when it’s on the company dime.

Oh, and Jack Eichel is a loser. Anyway, thanks on your time.

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